Feb 23, 2022
Are we ever really happy?
Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar—an author and professor at Harvard—says it’s possible if we get past what he’s coined “The Arrival Fallacy.” It’s those thoughts we have all the time: Once I make X amount per year, then I’ll be happy. Or once I get this new job. Once I save up this amount of money. Once I have a child. Once I buy that new smartwatch. If I just had these clothes. As soon as I move into that new place. Once I’m single again. Once I find the right partner. Then. Then I’ll be happy.
And yet, those things happen and where is the promised happiness? If it does show up, it’s but for a brief period before we start thinking, “Once I…” again.
One way to combat this, as we’ll read below, is to actively remind ourselves that happiness isn’t a destination, it’s part of the journey.
But speaking of destinations, I read a report recently about Nordic Exceptionalism which dives into why Nordic countries (Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Norway, and Sweden) are constantly among the happiest in the world. I’m also reading a book called, The Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner where, similarly, he travels to various countries to discover why their citizens rank amongst the happiest or the least-happiest in annual happiness reports.
I won’t get into all of it, though I do think it’s quite fascinating (maybe we’ll talk about it on the podcast). One central theme for the happiest people on Earth is they have a high degree of trust among the other citizens and their government.
While those feelings would be nice, not all of us have that luxury. However, we still have the power to choose our happiness in most moments, no matter where we live. As Carlos Castaneda said, “The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.”
One important note about happiness that I think is often forgotten: it is okay to be sad from time to time. Without sadness, there is no happiness. We’re going to feel sadness in our lives, there’s no getting around it (I’m of course talking about general sadness—depression is an entirely different issue that needs to be treated for the serious disorder it is).
When we are sad, it’s unproductive to make ourselves feel worse believing some false expectation that we should always feel happy. In the words of Helen Russell, “Many of us have been conditioned to be so averse to ‘negative emotions’ that we don’t recognize them, much less acknowledge them or give ourselves permission to feel and process them.” Getting better at acknowledging and dealing with sadness might actually help us become happier overall.
My recent obsession with happiness—what it is and how we obtain it more regularly—led me to a familiar question: what have philosophers been saying about it? This should come as no surprise, but happiness is one of the most contemplated subjects in human history.
Happiness is not a station to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.
Margaret Lee Runbeck
You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.
Albert Camus
Happiness, not in another place but this place...not for another hour, but this hour.
Walt Whitman
It is difficult to find happiness within oneself, but it is impossible to find it anywhere else.
Arthur Schopenhauer
There is but one solution to the intricate riddle of life; to improve ourselves, and contribute to the happiness of others.
Mary Shelley
The greatest happiness is to know the source of unhappiness.
Fyodor Dostoevsky
I think I began learning long ago that those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.
Booker T. Washington
Rules for happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for.
Immanuel Kant
This is the true joy in life--being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
George Bernard Shaw
Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and can't control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.
Epictetus
If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have a paradise in a few years.
Bertrand Russell
No one has the right to consume happiness without producing it.
Helen Keller
Maybe it’s as Dostoevsky alluded to: if we can’t find happiness, maybe we start by noticing—and removing—situations, people, or things that make us unhappy.